Each and Every Separation is Unique

Once you have separated you will be inundated with well meaning advice from people who have ‘gone through it’. This means they want to burden you with their experience.

As a lawyer you hear it time and time again ‘my mates been through it and he told me she got the lot,’ or ‘my mates just been to court and spend a hundred grand and got nothing,’ or ‘someone told me the Judge gave him half the school holidays.’

The stories are offered as well meaning signposts to you, so you do not even think about:

  1. Taking a particular position with respect to your children/property dispute.
  2. Going to court. Or
  3. Participating in mediation because it is bound to fail.

Not to take anything away from what your well-meaning friends/acquaintances/work colleagues/family tell you, it pays to remember that this is what happened in their separation and their family law case.

Does this mean it will happen in yours?

Probably not.

First, not two cases are alike. Each case has different facts, different figures, different parties, different lawyers and so on (you get the picture).

No two cases ever follow the same pathway. The facts might be similar, but this does not mean they move along the same way.

Then, if your matter is at court, no two judges are alike. Each judge comes to a case with his or her own unique approach (and no day is the same). It is not unknown for the same judge to make a different decision on cases that on the face of it might seem similar.

Example:

Mother A moves about 5 hours away from her usual place of residence with the children. Father makes urgent interim application for the children to come back. Judge does not bring the mother back.

Two weeks later there is a case with similar facts in front of the same judge. Mother B moves with children about 5 hours away from the father. Children still see their father every second weekend. Bearing in mind the judge’s decision two weeks earlier there is a good chance the mother will get to stay. Not so. Judge makes the opposite order and mother has to come back with the children.

Lesson

There is no such thing as knowing what is going to happen when couples separate or what orders a court might make or what the final outcome will be.

We can look to the past and other cases to obtain an understanding of what might happen. But you should never believe just because someone tells you of what happened in his or her case, that this is going to happen in yours.

Conclusion

Make decisions that are right for you. Instead of listening to well meaning people close to you get some sound legal advice. Think about the legal advice. If you are still not sure get a second opinion. Then make up your mind of what you are going to do. You should also get some counseling to help you deal with the separation.
There is nothing wrong with going against what your lawyer advises, as long as you are making a decision in your interest. At the end of the day a lawyer can only give you legal advice. You still have to lead your life once the dispute between you and your ex is over.

Remember and informed decision is a good decision. Never make a decision if you are under pressure or are asked to do it in a hurry.

And get legal advice for your particular situation.

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To Do List

It is another day, as far as you are concerned another day of doom and gloom. You have an appointment to see your solicitor because that SOB (feel free to add your own version of appropriate name) has made some new demand. You don’t really want to go and waste more money. Let’s face it every time you talk to your lawyer (in person or on the phone), it is like flushing money down the toilet (no disrespect to lawyers). But you have no choice. The SOB is not coming to the party.

Chances are the dispute has been dragging on for months now, cost over teen thousand dollars in legal fees with no end in sight.

As far as lawyers are concerned it sounds like your typical family law dispute. To you no doubt it is a nightmare.

To keep your sanity during these rough times we suggest you start to write lists. You read right, lists. No, this is not about legal solutions, but strategies to keep your head above water and hopefully give you the strength to keep going until the two of you finally reach agreement or a judge hears your case and makes a decision.

Trouble is,, it is not unusual for acrimonious disputes to last years.

Some days are going to be easier than others.

Have a list of motivational quotes for the days you are feeling depressed.

For example:

List of top 5 motivational sayings:

  1. Reach for the stars so you may land upon the moon.
  2. Smile today for you do not know what tomorrow brings.
  3. A good laugh is sunshine in the house (William Makepeace Thackeray).
  4. You cannot have a positive life with a negative mind (Joyce Meyer).
  5. Delete the negative; accentuate the positive ( Donna Karan).

Make several copies of this list and pin in to visible parts of the house so you can be reminded of the sayings as you mope about at home. Feel free to use this list, make your own or even add to it. Simply rewriting positive sayings will help you feel better already.

You might also want to write a list of things you want to do when the dispute between the two of you is over. For example:

  1. Go on a trip around the world.
  2. Learn to draw.
  3. Take up a new hobby [insert something specific you want to do].
  4. Visit the theatre.
  5. Go camping for a weekend.

These are just suggestions and can be tailored to what you want to do. Don’t be afraid to be creative. Creativity fosters positivity. And this all about you taking charge of your life, sweeping negativity out the door to embrace the change and look forward to a new life with a positive attitude.

The thing about lists is, they calm the mind. Writing also tends to focus ones mind on a specific task. You may find you start writing down other things, like all the good things in your life you could be greatful for.

And of course there are many more lists you can do.

Daily to do list:

  1. Have cup of coffee.
  2. Take dog for a walk.
  3. Vacuum the house.
  4. Check the mail box.
  5. Write summary of relationship highlights for lawyer.

Hopefully you get the idea. As soon as we put pen to paper the writing juices start to flow and words flow like a river. Go with it. Write many lists. Remember an active mind is better than one who constantly dwells on the past.

Your dispute with your ex will one day be over.

You can help it end faster by taking charge and organizing your thoughts. Banish negativity and embrace positivity.

Remember you are in charge of your life.

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Feeling a little blue? Add a little yello to your day and watch the blue move away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why go online ?

Need divorce advice? Find out why you should go online.

Divorce Logistics is a specialised online family law service. We strive to bring quality family law advice taking advantage of technological advances.

It is fair to say nearly everyone has access to the internet, email, social media accounts and mobile telephones. Our aim is to make use of some of these.

Let’s face it, not many people relish the thought of making an appointment to see their family law solicitor in some posh legal office in the city or suburbs. There’s the hassle of actually getting to the office, either by car or public transport, parking, walking etc and so an hour face to face consultation is about two or more hours out of the day gone.

If you use an online family law solicitor the first advantage is you don’t have to go anywhere. You don’t even have to dress up to speak to us, or communicate by email. Appointments can be scheduled at your convenience, including after hours and on weekends.

Another reason people find going to a law office daunting is costs. Big flash offices cost a lot of money to maintain. Hourly rates of family law solicitors these days range from at least $350 an hour and up (some charging as much as $660 an hour inclusive of GST). Seeing a solicitor for two hours to find out basic information about your family law problem can cost anywhere from $350 to near $1,000 (particularly if you spend over an hour withe the solicitor).

Going online has the advantage of lower hourly legal fees and we offer fixed fee services, depending on your particular case.

Our initial consultation is charged at $250 flat fee (even if you spend two hours talking to us).

When you have finished we will send you an email with a summary of what was discussed and options offered to you.

By going online you also don’t have to commit to hire our services for the entirety of your case. You may only want to schedule a phone call from time to time to discuss the way your case is going. Or you may only want to hire us to help draft court documents for you.

We are here to help you with your family law problem, be it property settlement, children disputes (custody arrangements) or your de-facto matter or your divorce. No family law problem is too small, nor dispute too large.

Still not convinced? Check out or website and drop us a line. What have you got to loose?

On the subject of separation, remember there is no need to resort to the act of charientism. Keep it civil between the two of you and life will be a lot more pleasant.

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